Security measures

One of my friends seems to be particularly good at pointing out the humor behind various guy-girl interactions. Here are ones I really like so far:

*****

1. The Ambush

'The Ambush' (a term made up by my friend, to my knowledge) describes that all-too-typical scenario when a girl will ask a guy some question that forces him to choose between being nice (or "sensitive") and being honest. Prime example:

Girl: "Does this shirt make me look fat?" (The Ambush)
Guy: Uh...um...

Essentially, the guy is caught between a rock and a hard place. As a girl, I might feel hurt if the guy was honest, but I know I would feel even more hurt if I knew he wasn't being honest. It's a lose-lose situation. So the questions are, for the girl, should she just refrain from ever asking questions like that? And for the guy, how should he respond to that type of question?

2. The Nice Guy Syndrome

The Nice Guy Syndrome describes how girls will often form close friendships with guys that they would never date, and the weird emotions that accompany the guy in such a situation. My friend's example:

Girl: "I want to go to this party, but I don't want anyone to hit on me. Will you please come with me? I'll feel safer then."
Guy: Uh...um...

My friend pontificated at length about how even if he isn't "interested" in the girl, that invitation alone causes a stir of injustice to rise within him. He starts to question why he's viewed by her as a source of protection and platonic friendship but not as anything "more." And though he would never want to date her, he's frustrated that she wouldn't want to date him.

Actually, that situation reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from the movie "When Harry Met Sally." In this scene, Harry comforts Sally as she is crying over the fact that her ex-boyfriend just got engaged.

Sally: He just met her... she's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.
Harry: If you could take him back now, would you?
Sally: No. (begins to cry again) But why didn't he want to marry me?

*****

I think that a common theme in both of these examples is that they really highlight some of the insecurities that we experience. In an Ambush situation, the girl is looking for someone to help her feel more secure in her appearance. Or more secure in how her significant other perceives her appearance, at the very least. In a Nice Guy Syndrome, the guy is looking for affirmation as man, not simply as a friend.

Of course, it is wonderfully nice to occasionally feel a bit more secure. It's a hard journey to get there yourself, and therefore it's really nice to hear compliments from others (including, and occasionally especially, from the opposite sex). But sometimes honesty is...well, honesty, and it can hurt.

I still am figuring out how to deal with some of my insecurities. Do I ask people for feedback and just expect to get devastatingly honest answers, like in the Ambush situation? Or do I keep my insecurities to myself and silently let a sense of injustice creep in, characteristic of the Nice Guy Syndrome? Ideally I should be working to get over some of my insecurities...but it can take a lot of effort, and it's nice to feel support along the way. So I guess another question is how do I go about looking for support without placing undue demands on my friends and family?