It's all about the title

I can't resist posting the results of this quiz...not really for the results as much as for the quiz itself (it ties into a running joke with a few friends). :)

Some comments:
1. These don't seem to be "keys" so much as vague statements about...stuff.
2. Hm, yeah...I disagree with several of these statements. I won't tell you which ones though. :)
3. I can't figure out how this quiz works. One minute I'm answering questions about animals (which I'd like to be, which I'd have as a pet if I could tame all animals, etc.) and then magically the quiz gives me these statements about "my" life. Interesting. Makes me wonder what would have happened if I had chosen cat rather than pigeon, etc. Oh well.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Along for the ride

Sometimes my friends come quite close to reading my mind (which should be scary to them). This morning, during my morning blog-checking routine, I found this quote written by one of my friends:

"It's just--three years ago, who of us would have anticipated our lives as being where they are now?"

Exactly...that's exactly how I feel sometimes. I'm not complaining; I'm actually pretty happy with where my life is right now, though I see lots of room for improvement.

My friend's quote reminds me of conversations that I've had with my Dad about the craziness that is life as a twenty-something-year-old. He repeatedly encourages me to enjoy the unpredictability and uncertainty inherent at this stage of life. "One day," he says, "you'll wake up and realize that you've been doing the same thing for years, and will be doing the same thing for years, and you'll miss the thrill of not having any clue of where life is going."

Hm. I'm starting to see where he's coming from. It's nice...until I decide that I can't stand not having answers again. :)

Office space

When I’m a professor and have my own office, these are things that I want to have in the office:

Lots of honey for my morning tea
A comfy, spinny chair
An east or south-facing window
A cd player/radio with good speakers (my bro can help with that)
My cd collection
Pictures of family and friends
A chess set – I’ll be playing a long-term chess game with some other nerd in my department
A golden retriever
Plants/flowers
A huge whiteboard and lots of colorful markers
A papasan chair for students to use when they come in for office hours
A view of a pretty area of campus
A marimba and/or vibraphone and/or digital piano
A trampoline
One of those huge exercise ball things
A water gun (fully loaded, of course)
A drawer devoted to holding a candy stash (my Dad seriously has one of these in his office!)

Yeah…I’ll get lots of work done, won’t I? :)

Muscle memory

After rehearsing music at a certain tempo for a long period of time, I develop a strong "muscle memory," whereby I play my best (and almost mindlessly) at the rehearsed tempo. I don't even really notice that muscle memory has kicked in until I try to play the same piece at a different tempo -- and find myself having tremendous difficulty! Suddenly I have to think really really hard about how to make my hands or fingers move, how to lock into the downbeats, and how to subdivide accurately. When this happens in an ensemble setting, here are some of my immediate reactions:

- watch the director (a LOT more than usual).
- listen carefully to the sound being created by the other players (again, more than usual)
- grumble that the tempo isn't what I'm used to (except in rare cases when the tempo is the speed that I've wanted to take the piece all along -- which is usually waaaaay fast for already fast songs *cough* Tempest *cough*)

In other words, I look for guidance, I become more aware of what's going on around me, and I complain. Two of these seem good, and one seems...well, like something that I should work on. :)

I think that I have similar reactions when some of my routines and habits in life are disrupted somehow. And regardless of whether things in my life seem to be going well or unwell, there's nothing like a surprise in the opposite direction to throw me off completely. This suggests that I've developed something akin to muscle memory for my life. Or it suggests that I'm carrying an analogy too far, but I'd never do that. Heehee. ;)

Anyway, muscle memory can be advantageous if you've learned how to play the piece correctly. Similarly, I think that a life muscle memory can be good if you've developed good habits and reactions to events. But if you haven't developed good habits, muscle memory means that you're going through life sort of mindlessly reacting to events in ways that might not be good or "optimal." I sometimes get the sense that God uses jarring experiences to get me to think critically about how I respond to events, and so that I can learn to develop good and healthy habits instead of falling into routines that merely allow me to get by.

Waiting game

Opportunity.

Have you ever thought about all of the opportunities that you've been given in life? How about all of the people - however close or random - who have given you those opportunities?

Then do you ever consider the opportunities that you've given to others?

Sometimes I have trouble comparing those two at once, because I often find myself astonished by the generosity I've received and taken aback by the lack of generosity that I've bestowed. Well, that's not true. It's just that some opportunities appear to be bigger or more important than others. And often I just feel like I haven't given large-scale opportunities to others because...hehe...I haven't had the opportunity to do so yet. Hehe...he.

I mean, it's not like I'm the owner of a major company and can offer jobs to the homeless. It's not like I've won the lottery and can buy a mansion for each of my friends (and ahem, if I ever win the lottery, don't automatically expect a mansion from me. I'm just using it as an example here). :)

But then again, opportunity is relative. Sometimes a person really needs a listening ear -- and I should recognize that I might have the chance to help. Sometimes a person needs someone to lean on when they're in a scary and uncomfortable environment -- and I should be willing to drag myself out of my world to come to their aid, even if I'm spiraling out of control with my own issues (Anne and Yi, that last convoluted sentence was for you - I hope that you appreciate it!).

The opportunities that I've received over the past few months have ranged from small to large, and from friendly to professional. The sources behind these opportunities range from almost strangers to acquantainces to good friends and close family. I need to remind myself that I too can bring opportunites to others.

To all of you, who have ever given me any opportunity (especially the chance to know you through friendship), I say thank you. I'm just feeling so grateful for all of it this week.

Pinnacle?

A few more random thoughts. For some reason lately, most of my thoughts seem to be random. But that's okay, especially because most of these are purely silly random thoughts. :)

- I still occasionally miss college, but what spurs that reaction is different almost every time. Yesterday, I grabbed the mini-whiteboard that I keep in my office desk so that I could sketch out some research ideas. That whiteboard was the very one that I hung on my dorm room in all four years at college. Seeing it again made me miss the random (and sometimes hilariously bizzare) notes that friends would leave for me after a long day out at classes and activities.

- The flowery trees on campus are in full bloom. Whenever I go out for a walk, I'm almost overwhelmed by the fragrance. It's pretty nice. :)

- For my geeky friends: An Automatic CS Paper Generator. I wish that writing a paper were that easy!

- Curiosity overwhelmed me yesterday, and I finally looked up the lyrics to the chorus (O Fortuna) of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana. O Fortuna is that powerful song that's played in the backgroud of many battle scenes in movies. Anyway, I was surprised by the dark nature of the lyrics. I can imagine them being spoken by a warlord. :) Apparently the Trans-Siberian Orchestra has done a heavy metal/rock version of O Fortuna -- I need to find and listen to a copy of that.

- When I act uncharacteristically, I can't decide if it's good or bad.

- I'm finally having my brain scanned! :) Some of you might claim that this is long overdue. But yep, a researcher on my hall is running an fMRI study, and I volunteered to participate. I'm curious to see if I'll feel freaked out by the fMRI machine...guess I'll find out later today.

- Trying to walk at a steady pace while humming a song with a 7/8 time signature just doesn't work well. :)